- Don’t Complain. Bitching, moaning, whining is tour cancer. If something is wrong fix it or shut the fuck up you fucking dick. goddamn.
- If you fart, claim it.
- Don’t Lose shit. Everybody loses shit. Don’t fucking do it. Asshole.
- Don’t fuck anyone in the band. There are tons of people to fuck who are not in this band. Dumbass.
- If you feel like shit all the time, drink less beer at the gig. You will play better & feel better. What are you… a child? Some have the endurance for self abuse. Most don’t.
- Remember the soundman’s name. He will do a better job.
- Eat oranges. Cures constipation & prevents colds.
- Masturbate. Duh… Where & when? Be creative. You’re an artist right?
- If YOU can’t carry your suitcase 3 blocks, it’s too goddamn big.
- Respect public space in the van. Don’t clutter, you Fuck.
- If you borrow something, return it. Not Fucked Up.
- Do not let the promoter dick you or talk you out of the guarantee. If there were not enuf people there, it’s their fault.
- Driver picks the music.
- One navigator only (usually sitting shotgun). Everyone else shut the fuck up.
- Soundcheck is for checking sounds. Shut the fuck up while everyone else is checking.
- Don’t wander off. Let someone know where you are.
- Clean up after yourself. What are you… a goddamn toddler?
- Touring makes everyone bi-polar. Ride the waves as best you can and remember, moods pass. So don’t make any snap decisions or declarations when you are drunk or insane.
- Fast food is Poison.
- The guestlist is for friends, family & people you might want to fuck. Everyone else can pay. They have day jobs.
- Don’t evaluate your whole life while you’re sitting in a janitor closet waiting to go on. You think you’re above having shitty days at work? Shut up & do your goddamn job.
This list was written under the influence of lots of painkiller & anti-depressants while on tour w/ such a great bands. I hope this list will help you get along w/ your co-workers whatever your job is. Contributions to the contributed crowds and some other folks.
Thanks for not being an asshole, bye
So fucking amazing. This is now officially my bible.
